I know it is only May, but seeing as school is out I consider the present time to be summer. Summer is my absolute favorite season. Everything is alive. I love the way the leaves rush and rustle like ocean tides that ebb and flow with commands from the moon. I love the sound of the frogs chirping from their dark and slimy ponds. I love that every animal from pesky mosquito to the determined and harried woman and mother of three are outside busily going about attaining their goals. Those goals may be as simple as floating lazily along in the thick and heavy summer air or as complex as attaining contentment and happiness in all circumstances.
Within these parameters of thunderstorms and long overheated days; I feel like I am sitting on a precipice in my life. I look down and see my feet dangle over a covenant that I am making to God and my soon to be new husband. Beyond that I can see the sunlight bounce off of my graduation day and the long awaited reward for hours of forced reading and memorizing. Even further, in the shadows and cool crevices, I can see the conflict that will undoubtedly arise during my new union, the overwhelming stress of my first job in a new and complicated field, I can see financial worries.
I am concerned about how I will handle these new responsibilities and old relationships laced with new boundaries. So, my goal during this short lived and happy season is to prepare and learn as much as possible about how the God who reigns over me wants me to live, how I myself will react to these new ideas, and what I am really looking for out of my new life.
During my quiet time I read Hebrews 3 and 4. God spoke to me about keeping my faith in Him. He told me to make sure that I had a believing heart, to encourage others to do the same, and that then I could enter His rest. I prayed for success, peace, and even prosperity financially, within my own self-esteem, and that He would make me a Godly wife who would bless her husband with her attitude and decisions.
I know these goals are complicated, filled with emotion and spirituality which makes others uncomfortable. I just cannot justify stuffing what is etched so deeply in my soul under a rock or mask it with a facade that will undermine its true meaning.
