What I continually thought about:
Boundaries- I feel like this is a popular topic. The reason being is that people are feeling over exposed and overreached by modern technology. In other instances there are actual cases of people being taken advantage of. I think there can be healthy boundaries. I think there are difficult boundaries but that doesn’t mean they are bad or unnecessary.
There are two boundaries I drew this year. One was due to family strife. I didn’t communicate the boundary verbally, but it was understood. I did not want to be hurt by what was going on and decided to remove myself from a situation. I stopped all contact. One of the people I removed contact with was my Aunt. Unfortunately, she passed away very recently and I missed out on her last year. I never got to tell her how much I appreciated our relationship before the boundary was drawn. I wish I had toughed this out- accepted that relationships can be messy and made more room for forgiveness and grace.
The other has a backstory. When I was 11 or 12 I had a conversation with my Dad. In it he told me about how a friend of mine was now facing a teen pregnancy. I was shocked. In my youth I exclaimed how I would NEVER do something like that. My dad stopped me and explained that as soon as we think we are above a behavior is when we are most vulnerable to it. I was and am very capable of sin. This lesson has stayed with me my whole life- and sometimes I successfully drew boundaries to prevent sin and other times I was unsuccessful. All of that to say, I drew a boundary with an old friend that I care deeply for. It sucked, I wish it wasn’t the way it was. I have to be okay with whatever this person might think of me now and continue protecting myself (and family) that I am capable of.
So now I have been evaluating what are healthy boundaries? What are selfish boundaries? When are boundaries necessary and when should we work hard for the relationship?
Mortality- Having lost my two babies before and being in the situation we were in with Naomi, I have had to face the fear of losing those I love. When we were driving back and forth from Nashville on I24 I worried that I would lose Enrique. I would come home and it felt like my kids were hellbent on harming themselves. Gracie was “cave jumping” with the blind cord. (Promptly thrown in the trash.) Lucas tried to shut himself in the refrigerator. I consistently pray for their safety and that the Lord will not take them from me. I have not worked through this fear- I’m not sure how I would continue life if something happened to one or all of them.
On the flip side, I have worried about how my family will react if I leave them behind. I have told Enrique that if I die to choose a super awesome and godly replacement wife and I am praying that she would love my kids like they were her own. (I will be up in Heaven in the Lord’s EAR.) A new year’s resolution of mine is to get a term life insurance policy so that they wouldn’t be subject to any surprise cost due to my untimely demise. I’ve also thought about how I am treating people, relationships to mend or develop. Is my integrity intact? Will I be remembered as someone who loved her family and worked hard?
Intentionality- I am a very impulsive person. How this came about is through finances. I found myself frustrated that I wasn’t able to spend whatever money I wanted when I wanted. I knew that Enrique and I made good money- so where was it all going? I spent a few months combing through our bank statements to determine what our money was being spent on and also taking a hard look at what debt we had. Before this year, I would have told you, “I’m not good with money, Enrique does the budget.” I have even heard this heralded as marriage advice. Let the person who is better with money do the budget. (I can agree to an extent). BUT MY FRIENDS- if you are not an active participant in your family’s budget, I implore you to give it a try. Since I became involved we have made serious headway. Going back to the mortality section- I am not as fearful that I could not handle the finances if something happened to Enrique. I am aware of what is going on. We now have financial goals we are working on together, and it has empowered us as a couple.
This impulsiveness has bled into a lot of things- I feel therefore I do. My habits reflect this in my spending, my diet, my coffee drinking, the shows and music I listen to and my reactions to those around me. I feel that there are certain habits- things I do over and over- continue to justify- that do not line up with my Christian values. The shows I watch, the podcasts I listen to, and some of my music would make a nun’s ears bleed. Instead of spending time with my children, I mindlessly scroll through internet waste on my phone to try and escape from what I deem hardship. I want to take a hard look to determine whether these are things that are bringing me closer to Christ or ostracizing me from Him. I want to spend more time making decisions and allowing passion and heat of the moment to pass by- to be a tad more analytical in the way I live my life.
I am desiring to be more intentional in my relationships because this year has shown me that I am not as kind and caring as I thought I was. Enrique and I were discussing that we don’t think we are very good friends. We aren’t thinking of others after our conversation with them ends. We want to be able to practically love people more- to think of others more in our daily life. I have a few projects that I am hoping will help with this, but I am also just trying to be better at texting back or responding on facebook. Meeting in real life will come later in the year as Naomi grows stronger.
Books I read:
Lovely War by Julie Berry
This book was given to me by a friend and I finished it last night. It is a historical fiction which I don’t typically read but this book was sweet. She also writes about real places that are fun to google, Dinant, Belgium looks glorious. A far cry from my normal thriller/true crime/ murder stories.
M is for Mama by Abbie Halberstadt
Okay, okay, I have two chapters left. This is a light read. She has some very good points, but for some reason I can’t fall in love with it. After discussing it with Mandi today, I think it is because she writes from a very idealistic perspective- a crisp and clean Christian life that is devoid of sin and suffering. Sadly, this is not the reality for most of us, and I think when we preach the gospel this way it can seem “unrealistic” or “non inclusive”.
The Ink Black Heart by Robert Galbraith
This is the latest installment in the Cormoran Strike series that is written by JK Rowling under a pen name. I LOVE this series. It is not for the faint of heart. I love the way she develops characters and captures humanity so well. My second favorite thing is if you look up ANY place or ANY event written in this book, it is real. I traveled around London and the UK without ever leaving Vanderbilt.
The Butcher and the Wren by Alaina Urqhart
She hosts a podcast I enjoy, I’m proud of her for writing this book! While I don’t think we would get along in real life and her values are very different from mine, I enjoy her.
A Look at the Logos by Michael Wood
Written by my Dad, I read this next to Naomi’s incubator. My main take away was when Jesus was celebrating the Feast of the Tabernacles which is a feast to celebrate how the Lord provided for the people. It is a time of reconciliation with God- Jesus was imploring those around Him to come and drink, to be provided for like the Israelites were in the wilderness. This really struck a chord with me, because we relied so much on God’s “rain” or provision this past year- and He really showed off.
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis (AUDIBLE)
With kids, we would listen to this in the car then watch the 1980’s BBC version, then we watched the newer movie as a family. Lucas loved, Gracie was indifferent.
The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (AUDIBLE)
He is a motivating speaker but I think I prefer his YouTube channel. Still the concepts are great and the debt snowball works!
The Guest List by Lucy Foley (AUDIBLE)
I loved the spooky setting of this book, it was very reminiscent of Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
The Golden Couple by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen (AUDIBLE)
It was alright.
Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty (AUDIBLE)
Great characters, disappointing story.
Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson(AUDIBLE)
Started with Kids on the way home from Miami, finished myself.
The Adventures of Alfie Onion by Vivian French
(With Kids, my 5 and 6 year old loved it. Lucas was legitimately sad when we finished a few nights ago. He keeps asking me to re-read it.
Homeschooling Bravely by Jamie Erickson
A nice motivator when homeschool feels overwhelming.
Modern Etiquette Made Easy by Myka Meier
I will never be fancy enough to need any of these tips but I stumbled upon her YouTube channel and it was fun, and so was this book. Read it if you feel like you need some refinement.
TV Shows I Watched: The House of the Dragon and The White Lotus, both were excellent, both made me think I need to reel in what I watch on TV.
Music I loved:
Irresponsible by JUDAH & J. Monty (Probably my personal song of the year.)
Creepin’ up the Backstairs by The Fratellis (Almost all of their album, Costello Music)
Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift
Maroon by Taylor Swift
Bejeweled by Taylor Swift
Levitating by Dua Lipa ft. Da Baby
Getty Kids Hymnal, Hymns from Home
Homeward by Celtic Worship
Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
The Offspring Greatest Hits
Favorite things:
Tozo Bluetooth Headphones
Magnetic Book Marks
The Peaceful Press Homeschool Planner
SunBeam Heating Pad
BeautyCounter Mascara
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