January Reflection- February Goals

 This month has been a whirlwind of chaos. I knew that things would get harder after Enrique returned to work, but it became evident almost immediately that I would be drowning. I have been trying to wake up early to make sure I get an hour of peace before my day starts- but sometimes Naomi will have a rough night and I will sleep until someone wakes me up.

Then my day is never ending chores and food making until I have had absolutely enough and ignore everyone to read through the substantial book list I have made for myself. I am absolutely struggling with overwhelm and resentment. I have found myself wondering if I will ever just be happy and enjoy my life or if it will be a never ending string of chores, responsibilities and should’ve would’ves. Please hear me, I love my family. I am absolutely grateful. I just feel completely wrecked as a person and now I am taking the full force of being responsible for my family. I have considered trying counseling, especially after a recent conversation with my friend Keri. My question though is, WHEN?? And HOW?? And WHO WILL WATCH MY KIDS? 

I am trying to make the decision of whether to continue homeschooling, or to try a homeschooling group, or to send the kids to public school. I do not feel like I am being the best mom I can be at the moment. The honest truth is I just need some help or some time to be able to “do it all.” I need prayer in this area.

This month and homecoming has not been the spiritual renaissance I was hoping for. I had a goal of reading through Acts as well as the book With by Skye Jethani- and I lasted 5 days until my fiction reading bled into my quiet time. I know that one of the reasons I read so much this month was a form of escapism. I am not leaving the house very often with Naomi on oxygen. Moving forward into February, I am trying to decide if I should just suck it up and continue with my original plan, which I do not hate and is not a bad one, or if I should try something different to shake it up. I have The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge  and it’s study companion as well as The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp. Her 1,000 Gifts book completely changed my life so, when I saw this book for free I picked it up. If you have any suggestions let me know. I am just feeling bored about it all to be honest.

Another area of my life I was hoping to clean up was nutrition and lose some weight, and I go back and forth from feeling like I could do it to utter hopelessness. There is no in between. I have the Weight Watchers App but I disagree with it- lol. I do not think it would be sustainable for me. I am looking for something I can do for the rest of my life, and weight watchers is not it. 

What has gone WELL is that we have the kids back in their sports and I am so happy for them. Lucas is very near to getting his Grey Belt in Jim Jitsu and Gracie does not have much longer before she moves up in Gymnastics. I also just really enjoy watching them have fun.

I have also been implementing that they read to themselves for 15-30 minutes before bed. I told them if they were consistent that I would let them go to Dollar Tree with me and they could pick something out. Gracie is a natural reader and had no problem with it. Lucas had a rough start but I feel like he is reading much more fluently and retaining information better. I bought him a dinosaur book he was interested in and he finished it on his own.

Naomi has really settled in and I enjoy seeing bits of her personality start to come out. She is also in the beginning stages of weaning from oxygen so please keep her in your prayers for that. I would also ask for prayer in that she puts on more weight and gives us less of a hard time while eating. She is a lazy eater and requires a lot of breaks which is very hard on a busy family.

I know I said it was my form of escapism-but at least I really love it? I have loved reading so much this month. I plan on continuing but with a few boundaries to keep it from becoming something unhealthy. I have also enjoyed discussing books with all of you on facebook and finding out that a lot of my friends are a little nerdy- which is amazing and freeing. 

I began doing some beginner pilates which felt amazing- I would like to continue doing that. I think I could commit to 2x a week at the very least. I was also starting to try and run on the weekends-which I enjoy but I am not sure how I would do it on the weekends I work. 

So- for February goals:

-Create a flexible schedule for myself/kids that would include things that NEED to be done as well as daily rest/ activities I enjoy.

- Find a way to enjoy spending time with God every day.

-Pilates 2-3x/ week.

- Produce at every meal, drink half my body weight in oz of water a day.